The Maze Bummer Read online

  Thomas tried to think about what this all meant, but before he had time to figure anything out, he shot off the slide and out into daylight. Thomas fell through the air, landed hard on a patch of dirt, and then rolled to a stop. One-by-one, all the Sausage Festers except for Teresa landed behind him.

  Thomas got up and glanced around. It looked like he was on some sort of giant farm. The ground was a grid divided up into square patches of different colors, with some of the squares of the grid also having low square buildings on them.

  “We’re free!” said Minho.

  “Thank klunkin’ goodness,” said Alby.

  “But where are we?” said Chuck.

  “Good question,” said Thomas. “Let’s see if anybody’s in the buildings.”

  Thomas and Chuck walked over to the closest building, but as they got closer they realized it wasn’t a building at all. Rather, it was a square piece of wood, a few feet high and about 10 yards long.

  “What is this thing?” said Chuck, knocking on the wood piece. Thomas shrugged, totally confused. He decided they should get up on the piece of wood to try and get a better view of the surrounding area. But when Thomas climbed up onto the wood piece, he saw that it had the letter “B” painted on top, with a small “2” painted in the lower right corner.

  “B2?” said Thomas. “Why would a piece of wood say that?”

  “Thomas, look!” said Chuck. Chuck pointed at some of the other wood pieces nearby, and Thomas saw that all of them also had a large letter and a smaller number painted on the top.

  “Hey Tommy, whaddya make of this thing?” yelled Newt. Thomas looked over and saw Newt examining a long wooden stand on which seven of the wood pieces stood resting at an angle.

  Suddenly, shouts went up from the other Sausage Festers, who all started pointing at the sky. When Thomas looked up, he saw that the sky now had a message written on it:

  YOUR TURN

  WIN OR DIE

  Our turn? thought Thomas. Our turn for what?

  Then Thomas had a sudden flash, and it filled him with terror.

  Thomas scrambled down from the wood piece and tried to lift it, but it was too heavy. “Everyone, come help me move this!” shouted Thomas, frantically. The other Sausage Festers ran over, and together they slowly lifted the piece of wood and dragged it aside.

  Thomas looked at the ground underneath where the piece of wood had been, and his heart sank.

  The ground had the words “DOUBLE WORD SCORE” written on it.

  “Nooooooooooooo!” said Thomas, and he collapsed to the ground.

  THE END...FOR NOW

  ABOUT THE (REAL) AUTHOR

  STEVE LOOKNER began his writing career as an editor of The Harvard Lampoon, and has written for such TV shows as Saturday Night Live and MADtv. He’s now one of Amazon’s top parody authors. Be sure to check out his other parodies, including The Fault in Our Pants: A Parody of “The Fault in Our Stars”, and Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl.

  You can email Steve at [email protected]